May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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