she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
