its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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