ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
