So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
