I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize