The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
