She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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