I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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