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I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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