update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's like iHOP with fire
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
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