i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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