How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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