last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wear drunk well.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
