Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My first STD was from a foam party
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize