And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
