Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
