How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
