VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
