I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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