I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We are two peas in an std pod
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
