Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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