dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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