I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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