: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
