I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
