he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize