I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
