Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
