Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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