It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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