she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
