Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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