yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize