My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
