A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
