I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had sex on a roof
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
