I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
