we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
