My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
