be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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