the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
