Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
