I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize