I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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