Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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