its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
