weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
