we made out on top of his cat.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize