So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
