Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
