If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
