im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
