get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize