Do you still have your period?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
