My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
