I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
