M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
