Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
