im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
