What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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