OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
