Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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