I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
