Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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