The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
