is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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