I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
