Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
