Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
