Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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