woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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