We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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