Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
