I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont even know how to be here
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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