She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize