I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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